identity theft

It's true that you identity changes as your life goes on. Your identity is wrapped up in this current thing in your life, or that, but when it's over, there is this sense of emptiness or loss. Sometimes this is okay because your identity changes as you grow as a person, but, in a sense, I think I'm realizing that your true identity shouldn't ever change if you truly have the mind of Christ.

Identity is defined in the dictionary as:

the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, asunder varying aspects or conditions: The identity of thefingerprints on the gun with those on file provided evidence thathe was the killer.

2.

the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another: Hedoubted his own identity.

3.

condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is:a case of mistaken identity.

4.

the state or fact of being the same one as described.

5.

the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity inpersonality over time and sometimes disturbed in mentalillnesses, as schizophrenia.

Identity is much more that what you are doing. It is your being, what drives you, what you stand on, what enables you to really follow Christ into the fray. You don't change when you have an identity. Wrapping up one's identity in something they are doing is a very shallow, flimsy thing at best. You can wear a name tag that says, "Hello, my name is PhD, Masters in Divinity, Slimy-Know-It-All" or "Hello, my name is Deadbeat, Dropout, Loser", but that is not who you are. That is what you have done.

I thought I understood this, but with everything God's been showing me these last few months and what it's all coming together to mean, I see now that what He showed me before about who I am in Him was only a glimpse of who and what I really am to Him. It was enough to stand on for a time, but now life is hitting a new beat--time to really face Him and what He made me and abide in it.

There are some--some I've come into contact with recently, in fact--who set up a false identity for themselves because they want to be something. They think that if they want to be it bad enough or that if they can get enough people to believe it, they'll be it. They're wrong, though. Identity starts inside--much like character, and acting, consequently--and comes out. The song says, "from the inside out" doesn't it?

Unfortunately, associating with false identities or wrapping your identity up in something that is only what you're doing will cause emptiness and a sense of loss when whatever you've been doing comes to an end. I loathe fakeness. Loathe. Hate. Want to set on fire. I hate it especially when I get caught up in it. I refuse to do it anymore.

As I've jumped off this bridge, screaming to add to this cacophony of rhythm, God has challenged my identity. I have been one who tends to identify with whatever I am currently doing. Sometimes it was in my job, usually it was school or whatever I was going through. It labeled me. When I was confused, it gave me comfort. Good golly what a mess that was sometimes. It wasn't always bad, but it wasn't ever what I should've been doing. Going to Charis and working a lame job has helped draw this out into the light where I could really examine it. I came to Charis without very many expectations. I wasn't sure what it would be like; I hoped it wouldn't really be like the other Christian bubbles I'd been a part of, but I didn't know if it would be better or not. I went in hesitantly, observing before I plunged into anything. I'm so glad I made that decision. Instead of just jumping into a social network or into a lot of stuff that would get me noticed at school, I've floated under the radar for the first time in several years, but not in a self-conscious, shy way. I've experienced a lot of things and thought about much during this time, but what it has all come down to is my identity and where I am with God. It started with the fact that I didn't (and still don't) want Charis Bible College to be my identity. I didn't want to be a Charisite, didn't want to be someone who was all gung-ho about the school because I knew God was more than a good bible college. I also didn't want the physical challenges I experience to be my identity, so I have mentioned it to only a handful of people at school. I also didn't go out of my way to make a bunch of friends, especially because I didn't feel like I fit with most of them.

Instead, what has happened is I have made a few good friends, I have begun to really understand what it means to not fear man, I have had an interesting job and subsequently quit in a five month period, and I am enjoying the adventure. I've been sleeping through the night--what a joy! I'm the kind of person who doesn't sleep much when I'm upset, which is apparently the opposite from most people. I sleep best when I am at peace. Retaining the identity Christ gave me when I was born again has to be the most peaceful thing I have ever gone through.

You can know a lot of things about God and what He says, like how He says the "fear of man proves a snare", but understanding them is a whole different ball game. Turns out, not fearing people means having a true identity in Whose you are. Why should you be afraid of anyone or anything if the Creator of the Universe has your back? I've said that before, but holy crap, have you ever really thought about that? God does NOT abandon His own--that's something I've learned out here too. For too long I lived under the biggest lie--that sometimes God just drops me in order to teach me something, that He let's bad things happen to me so I'll be stronger. No, bad things happen because this world is tainted. He sent His son so that we might be redeemed and be able to confidently say He has our collective back once again. Whew. That's a different soap box. I might go on it sometime and actually provide scripture, but I'm just going to move on for now.

I haven't lived the holiest of lives since I've been out here, but I'd say I've gained so much more in this leap than I ever did in trying to live holy on my own strength. I think that matters more to God, and He matters a lot to me. The identity He gave me is pretty swell, if I do say so myself, and I'm not about to let anyone or anything cut in on my race anymore. Especially not me. I am my biggest roadblock in life. I often have to tell myself to get over myself. It can get confusing sometimes. No more identity theft by way of an inside job, or an outside, for that matter. Be loved, kay? Everyone's on a journey and I did understand this a bit, but now I see just how much I didn't see before...I see how selfish I've been. It's humbling to think that God's grace covers that and I can just go on with life. He doesn't hold it against me. What a great friend.