"Then it hit me--I'm alone on my birthday. Even though people invited me to do things, I'm alone."
What does it mean to be a true friend? For that matter, why does it matter if you are a true friend or not?
Why does the word "friend" hold significance?
If I wanted to, I could elaborately elaborate on each of these questions; if you know me at all, you know this is an important topic to me. I want to be the best friend I can possibly be to every single person who is kind enough to embrace the term and count me as one also (I used to think it was mandated for me to be friends with everyone--news flash, not everyone is worth that kind of time, by their own choice, not mine). Friends mean something to each other. Friends stick closer than a brother, it's been said. Friends are supposed to see us through the good and the bad.
Why, then, does it seem as though being a friend seems to be the hardest thing anyone has ever done in their life? It shouldn't be.
How hard is it to keep your word, to simply do what you say you are going to? Is it difficult to remember a certain day, like, say, the day your friend was born? Would it hurt to once in a while be serious with someone and tell them how they make you feel and why you appreciate them? Or is that just too much depth? I don't ask these questions to attack anyone, but to ask. Why is being a friend hard?
That last question isn't difficult to answer: people think being a friend is hard because it requires something of them, and people don't like to work at things when it doesn't seem to be a gain somehow. They also all have their own ideas of what it means to have friends or to be one. They are not always totally wrong, but people also tend to treat people based on how they have been treated in the past, which just isn't fair. What I mean by this is, people tend to assume all people are the same. I don't think they mean to, exactly, but they do. They have had certain kinds of people in their lives before, so they take that to mean that every person they meet will be that way, whether it be negative or positive, really. Often times, however, they are concentrated mostly on their negative experiences, and they project that onto you, no matter how loveable you are. I know I've been guilty of this, but God is healing me. I'm changing. That means it's possible, right?
It shouldn't be hard to be a friend or have friends. But it is. Because we only think about ourselves.
Friends are important even to God; He called Abraham his friend, and that was before Jesus. David and Jonathan were closer than either had ever been with their brothers; when Saul (Jonathan's father) went after David, Jonathan kept his loyalty with David. It says in 1 Samuel, "...Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." 1 Samuel 20 is all about their friendship; he told David, "But if my father is inclined to harm you, may the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away safely." He takes an oath and makes a covenant with David (which was huge in that time) to protect him at all costs--against his father! "And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself." Later on in the story, Jonathan is merely having a conversation with his father and Saul throws a spear at him for just talking about David. Would you take a spear for your best friend? I would like to say I would. I really like this story because it takes place before Jesus even shows up on the scene to talk to us about blessing those who curse us and loving one another--it is evidence of God's love throughout all of time permeating our relationships.
Here's a little of what I think a friend--a real friend--is:
listen.
share.
sacrificial--time, money, possessions, etc.
enduring.
patient.
loving.
communicative.
willing.
sees your heart and you don't have to be afraid of it.
unafraid.
vulnerable.
would lay down their life for you.
I guess that is just a summary of what I think a true friend is. I've been blessed to have a few of these in my life and no, none of the friendships have been easy because we both had to work at it, but it has most definitely been worth it. I think the term "friend" has a lot of significance, especially when we are betrayed by one, is because we know it is supposed to mean more than it has become.
Well, instead of continuing on, I will say why I am writing this: firstly, because it's important for things like this to be said. Secondly because one of my best friends was very hurt today because someone who was supposed to be a friend dropped the ball. Big time. You don't treat my friends that way. Okay, before any of you jump on your religious high horse, let me clarify: I did not write this out of anger. I wrote it because it has been on my mind for a few weeks and this event just sort of spurred me on to writing about it finally. But seriously, does a person matter so little to you that you can't section off a brain cell to remember him?
I will end with this: if I consider you a friend, I am with you to the end. Many people would take that statement lightly or say it to anyone, but I don't. Not in the slightest. I would take a spear for you, without hesitation. Sure, some of you will scoff at this and say it's an easy thing to say, but Dena, really, in the face of a spear, how do you know what you would do? Well, I've done it. I've taken verbal spears, slapped people, jumped in front of charging horses (even ran in to save a bucking pony from a GIGANTIC fly--he almost took my eye out), without hesitation. It does not even enter my mind to save myself in those situations. And I could still stand to be a better friend. I don't say this to brag; only people who aren't really my friends will take it that way.
I would encourage anyone who read this whole thing to evaluate your friendships--especially how you are a friend to those around you. Thank you to those who have been a friend to me. :) I hope I can continue to be a better friend to all of you, and if I don't, may the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely.
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